Monday, January 01, 2007

12 Months (Pretty Much) Med Free!

Today I celebrate, being unclear if that's the right word, 12 months of being pretty much clear of psychotropic medications. When my daily prescriptions expired in late '05, I chose not to renew them. Admittedly, there was a financial component to this but, primarily, I have a hard time accepting that I am disfunctional without them.

To those unfamiliar with my travails, in mid-2004 I suffered a severe panic attack although it was not seen as such at the time. After numerous tests, it was found that I have a somewhat serious bipolar disorder.

The results of no meds? Well.....not bad. I go through swings where I am a bastard and insufferable but my family and key co-workers know where it's coming from and know what to do and say. I get through it. Lately - since about Thanksgiving - I appear to be in a depressive cycle and it's gotten pretty severe at times. I am working through it.

No strong mania since July / August that I am aware of. The evil thing with mania, unlike depression, is that you're not innately aware of it so who knows? I don't feel like the smartest guy in the world and I'm not hyperproductive lately so I'm pretty sure the hypomania ain't there.

OTOH, I'll kick anyone's ass in trivia

It's been hard. I feel like a character in the classic "Harrison Bergeron" (look it up) where I have been saddled with something I can't openly fight. But drugs aren't the answer because they make me slower than I am normally and God knows I was penalized for that at Microsoft.

I'm gonna stay drug-free no matter what that entails. But I do worry about what happens if I bounce too far in one direction or other.


Garrett said...

Congrats. :-) I, on the other hand, don't foresee going off Adderall any time soon, as once it wears off, I tend to spend hours reading blogs and leaving comments, etc... :-)

Gonzo said...

Believe it or not, I'm also supposed to be on Adderral. But to me that's like shining the hubcaps of a car with a blown head gasket.